waiting on the world to change.

this morning after i woke up, i called my father to say happy father’s day. i’m going home next week with an mp3 player for him that i’ll have preloaded with the old soulful things on the old cds he used to listen to when i was a little girl and some shirts i found at macy’s. curtis mayfield, anita baker, and freddie jackson. i remember when we’d travel when i was a girl- he was in the military, so we traveled all the time- and there was this one curtis mayfield cd… he’d play it over and over and over and i think he either wore it out or it got scratched or something. regardless, i think that he’ll appreciate the sentimentality of the gift. i’ll make dinner one of the nights i’m at home as well for him. maybe some alfredo or this really tasty looking chicken parm recipe i found online the other day…

earlier today, zack went with me to go see a potential new place for the upcoming year in a philly suburb closer to my job. we got there around 4, met the girl who would be staying there with me, and wandered around this absolutely beautiful 2 story 3 bedroom place, and found a possible roommate dealing with a lot of things that i’m dealing with in my current situation and who i have a ton of common interests with. i’m going to sit on what we saw today for a few days, and if i still feel as great about it as i have all day, i will email theresa- that’s her name- and tell her that i would love love love to live in what seems to be an amazing living situation with her. i almost feel as though it’d be stupid to pass it up. it’s cheaper, more spacious, near shops/bars/public transportation, in an area i know fairly well… damn near perfection. my living situation as it stands is by no means the absolute worst it could be, however it is far from what i want to continue to indulge in. i think i fell in love with that apartment today… makes me want to start working extra projects out the wazoo to help pay for things… hot damn.

i’m getting pretty excited about going home this weekend. i’ve got a pretty dress that i’ll feel elegant and classy in. i’ll get to show off all these new cooking tricks i’ve learned to my parents and to my sister. and i’ll get to see some friendly and familiar faces.

zack and i have been up and down. the other night, we went to a coffee shop where we met a friend of his that he acts with at his weekend job (a really amusing murder mystery dinner theatre…) after i picked up my elegant and classy number for the weekend’s wedding. we were messing around and goofing off with some kids playing hacky sack and somehow he stumbled while holding onto me and we ended up on the pavement. i was on my back with his arms cradling me, and was staring at the logo on his tshirt- across his chest. he kept asking if i was alright, and i was giggling like a silly little girl and holding onto my skirt… yeah- i was wearing a skirt. after realizing that i was laughing, he was too. i guess that means that we’re falling for each other… har har har. does that even count, because he fell on me. point is, i’m sometimes finding myself warm and fuzzy…

amber is the color of my energy.

well the good news is that i found a dress that is simple and elegant for the wedding that zack and i are going to back home next weekend.  in addition, i’ve got an appointment to check out a potential new place on sunday at 4.  the bad news is that while i’ve got the dress, i want to take a stab at that whole black/white dress + bright accessories/shoes trend that’s popular right now for weddings (i’m thinking maybe a deep red if i can find it-) and i’ve pretty much got tomorrow and saturday to locate said accessories in the king of prussia mall due to pulling overtime next week at work due to missing friday and the following monday on account of travel.  now this would not make me as antsy as it does, but at this wedding i get to meet the girl zack dated literally directly prior to me.  apparently she’s a very nice girl, but i still find myself nervous about the awkwardness of the situation as a whole.  did i mention that she’s married now?  she’s married.  regardless, i feel like my nervousness will subside if i feel good.  i’ll feel good if i feel pretty.  go go bright accessories!… if i can find them.

kindly unspoken.

back to the househunting drawing board for me- i emailed these people whose ad i came across on craigslist last week before zack and i left for state college… haven’t heard anything back, so i’m preparing myself to very simply not hear anything back (boo-).  by the end of the month if i’ve still got no solid leads, i’ll resort to things like roomster and what have you out of shear desperation…

this weekend was nice.  it was whatever the half step up from nice is.  zack and i have never done that before… traveled together.  next week, we’re going twice as far- all the way back to erie.  i’m hopeful that this one goes as smoothly as well.  we found out that we are capable of such without taking one another out- a good thing since we will be making the trek from my house to my parents’ house due to yet another wedding (marriage seems to be an epidemic right now… and only a handful of my friends seemed to think that it was a good idea to vaccinate themselves… ugh-) all the way in erie.  i think that i learned some pertenent things this weekend though- they are as follows:

• i wouldn’t be opposed to something like getting married in a pretty old library with a sweeping staircase (think the SATC movie-)…
• i want to write my own vows, and i’d like him to as well.  i want to put how i feel about whoever he may be in my own words, and i want them to come from my heart.  even if they are on the spot like that day… i want to speak from within myself to him.  i want to read this great love letter to whoever he is and i want to feel the words that come out of me all the way down to my feet.
• i’m thankful for the fact that zack and i are friends on top of everything else.  there is this playful friendship that we have that i find myself very appreciative of after this weekend.  we can joke around with one another.  we laugh.  like legitimately laugh.  i think that that’s very important in a relationship.
• i want my friends and my wedding guests to be happy to be there.
• …

the people whose wedding we were at were our own old college roommates.  i hadn’t spoken with the girl in literally a couple of years- stupid fights you have when you’re young and silly and self centered.  anyway, i’d spent a majority of the drive the day before practicing in my head what nice thing i’d say to her on her wedding day.  i was nervous- i was pleasantly surprised though.  the encounter was quite nice, and honestly- i hope that she’s happy since this is like the holy grail to her… getting married that is.  she seemed appreciative that zack and i were there, and that was a sort of nice feeling.  the reception wasn’t as gut wrenching as i’d imagined, and the color scheme was pretty.  that veggie lasagna was killer.  we milled around, laughed with the people at our table, and headed back to state college where we were crashing on a friend’s air mattress to meet up with some other old chums to get a little tipsy and to laugh a little more.  that was a great time and something i think that we all needed.  i should really laugh more often.  i felt amazing the entire time the 6 of us were together.  there’s this great since of comfort and contentment in the handful of individuals in your life (because we’ve all got them-) that you can see like once a year, but still pick up right where you left off at.  i’ll upload photos later.

going to that wedding was a big reality backhanded slap to me i think.  i sat during the actual ceremony wondering exactly what it was that i should have been feeling.  and then i got antsy.  and then i got thankful.  and then i was reminded as i have been many times since moving to philadelphia- at some point, i think that i grew up, and i’m out on my own, and i’m trying to maintain an ‘adult’ relationship, and i’ve got a full time job…

dem stillers v. those birds- political showdown via the ny times.

http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/04/11/the-early-word-the-keystone-state-divide/

entertaining work read in the midst of all this political hoopla, he said she said.

thoughts?  go.

i’m gonna start the day early. maybe like a rocket on fire.

gr… thus far i have scuffed my shoes horribly, these pants that i’m in don’t look nearly as cute as i’d initially thought they were upon ironing them this morning, and i haven’t been able to get into the system here at work to get done what i need done (because only one person can be there at a time… there’s well over a thousand people employed at this location… we’re one of the 2 home offices for pete’s sake…).  UGH!  i signed into wordpress this morning and under the political blogs i saw a headline that read something about john mccain and a heart attack and thought, ‘great- now i’ll have to hear zack whine about that later tonight when he comes over…’.  luckily that was just a farce.  my best friend is a super hippie, and the boy i kiss is a raging republican.  makes for interesting group gatherings.

on a slight upswing, i saw a posting for a potential living space for next year.  it’s a little pricier than i’d intended on shooting for, however it sounds really really nice.  i’m more than willing to pay a little more for quality living.  i’m going to shoot these girls an email at some point today before i leave the office to see about meeting them and possibly seeing the place.  happy thoughts.

song of the day: ‘across the universe’ via rufus wainwright.

 

 

one day i’ll go dancing on the moon.

i came in from work yesterday to find a happy little postcard smiling up at me from my kitchen table telling me that it was my privelage to serve jury duty for the city of philadelphia… thanks philadelphia- i haven’t even been here an entire year yet.  i filled out the little part of the postcard that allowed me to ask for a postponement, and will drop that in the nearest mailbox when i get home later today… i’ve never served jury duty.  i got out of it back home before i moved because i was still in school, and was afraid of missing days.  crap.  and this is for the philadelphia judicial system.  with my luck it’d be for some ‘law and order’-esque overly dramatic o.j. simpson-like trial. 

i woke up early this morning, and took a bus out to my office to get a little work done.  while our main system is down for maintenance, i can still do quite a bit of the grunt work i need to get done by hand.  i’m always amazed every time i take a bus here.  there seems to be this subculture of women whose main mode of meeting men is to hang out at the very very front of the bus right by the entrance and to bat their eyes at the bus driver.  when i first started the job i had now and before i knew the bus routes or my way around the area, i took a bus that got me to work about 20 minutes to half an hour prior to when i actually needed to be here.  i’d always roll my eyes at the same woman, who sat at the very front of my morning bus, who would toss her hair and cock her head to the side, and who would giggle obnoxiously at every single thing our bus driver said… text messaging him and then giggling at him to check them (i watched her obtain his cell number one morning while getting off the bus-)… doing that flirty ‘i’m a girl, so i’m going to touch your arm because i read in cosmo once that body language is key-’ kinda thing.  in march i got promoted at work, and began taking a later bus.  different woman, same game.  i stopped in at the mall last night after work, and on the way home witnessed a similar incident with a completely different woman.  to each his/her own i guess, but i’m saying- is there some underground dating serive put forth by the south east pennsylvania public transportation authority (association?) that i just don’t know about?  or are these women just thinking quantity over quality?  ugh.  oh philly… 

recent <3s:

• chick-fil-a despite my best friend yelling at me and telling me that i shouldn’t have to get “jesus propoganda” with my lunch.  those nuggets are good dammit, and the waffle fries melt in my mouth.
• ‘desperate housewives’.  i’ve recently began to watch the entire series from its beginning online.  oh the scandel.  oooooh the scandel.  that should hold me over until next season.
• wordpress. 
• traveling.  this coming weekend, zack and i are going out of town for the wedding of the kids we both lived with when we first started dating in college.  while the notion of people that i personally know who are my age and who have as much relationship time as i do with said significant other (the 2 of them began dating literally 2 weeks prior to he and i-) makes me a little uncomfortable, i’m very excited to be skipping town for a weekend.  i love philadelphia, but i’m desperately needing a break from it, from my everyday, and from my apartment.  and i think that spending a little time with him will do us as an us some good.
• best friend booking his flight to philly for the weekend of the 4th of july!
• cinnamon swirl folgers coffee.  definitely my best part of waking up.

more later…

day 1.

hi wordpress.  my name’s deadra.  i’m 23.  my best friend tells me that wordpress is the best of the best when it comes to blogs.  i thought i’d give it a whirl…